If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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