You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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