Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
