evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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