just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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