just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
found the other keg... it's in the tree
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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