Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You ruined the universe
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
