i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
