Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
