so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just invented taco cereal.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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