my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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