Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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