Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
