He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
