Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
