Jerry, you need to find god
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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