I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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