Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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