wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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