I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
