he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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