the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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