FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
