Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
