Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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