Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
