i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
