TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
