A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
