Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
