When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
