The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
