accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
