like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
