I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize