6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
