Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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