i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
one two three fourrrrnication!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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