She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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