So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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