I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
