do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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