Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
