My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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