can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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