i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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