my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
