6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
whose parrot is this?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
