just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
