he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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