she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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