I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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