somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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