first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
