So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
