his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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