woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
