I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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