Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
