Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
