May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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