don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
