i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
