I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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