did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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