lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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