god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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