Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
